My dad is turning 69 today so I wanted to dedicate a blog
post to him. Happy Birthday Dad –
thanks for being such an amazing human being and for loving me unconditionally!
*******
I am sure all of us at one point in our lives have had
something come out of our mouths that gave us the chills and made us say “oh my
gosh, I sounded like my mother just then!”
The other day I realized that one of the things I say most
often actually comes straight from my dad and not my mom.
My dad often says “well, the good news is…” during any
conversation he is having. He has an
uncanny way of steering things toward the positive and being able to point out
what is working in any situation. When I caught myself saying “the good news
is…” the other day, it was like my dad speaking through me. I took a step back
and realized that I say “the good news is…” quite a bit.
Why does he says that so much? Why do I?
Maybe it’s because I am trying to help people see the positive.....or maybe it is
because I am so uncomfortable with negativity.
A conversation with my dad yesterday during his birthday
lunch shed some light on this for me.
Not only I am lucky to have such an amazing dad, I am also
blessed to live in the same city as him and over lunch yesterday, I told him
about my use of his phrase “the good news is…”
He laughed and smiled and said –“ yes, people like us say
that a lot.”
I asked “What do you
mean by people like us?”
My dad said “Like a 7 on the Enneagram, avoidance of
pain. We always want to look on the
bright side and that’s not bad. We just
can’t let it be too limiting.”
DEEP THOUGHT.
(Side note: google the Enneagram if you need more info!)
Since re-starting this blog and getting back into writing, I
feel like I have spent quite a bit of time on those negative emotions and my
own personal sadness.
But my dad is right.
I don’t sit in those negative emotions for very long because it makes
“people like us” feel so uncomfortable.
Writing the blog has been scary but also really liberating
and healing. It is definitely the biggest dive I have taken into sadness for quite some time.
I knew I could not start writing again if I was not willing
to tell my true story and talk about experiences that made me sad and mad and
uncomfortable, even though part of me just wants to pretend that none of those emotions exist.
One of my thoughts as I chose “write 20 minutes a
day” as my 30 Days of Hustle goal was --I could go through life posting
inspirational quotes on my Instagram and Facebook every day or I could just get
real.
Or could it be "both/and" instead of "either/or"?
I started blogging and wouldn’t you know it – “people like
us” are capable of "both/and" if we really force ourselves to tell our stories.
Once, I went with my parents to a talk at USD. One of my very favorite spiritual teachers,
the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, was speaking. There were so many great moments during his
talk but I remember one most clearly. He
said something like – “why do we treat our suffering the way that we do? I
would suggest holding your suffering like you would a baby. Holding it close
and really embracing it. Talking to it like you would a child. Taking care of it.”
Needless to say, I was crying so hard as he spoke given that
my suffering was, in fact, the loss of a baby. Two for that matter.
This concept of really owning and embracing your suffering,
holding it like a baby, is the last thing I wanted to do. But I realized that is was only through
feeling it completely, all of it, owning it and coming to terms with it, that I
could eventually get over it and move past it.
During our infertility struggles, my mom once told me that
my dad had pulled her aside and said these simple words:
"When she is sad, I’m sad."
Even though I felt so bad to be bringing sadness on him,
those words meant so much.
"When she is sad, I’m sad."
“People like us” don’t want to be sad and we will do
anything not to feel negative emotions.
“People like us” just want to say “the good news is…” and
change the topic.
It’s my dad’s sadness for me and his support and his wisdom as well as the support of so many other people
that has helped me not only be able to hold my suffering, but to embrace it and
eventually heal from it.
My dad has taught me a lot and I am so grateful. I am proud to be one of the “people like
him”.
I love you Dad.
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